Is there anything unsexier than scheduled, pressure-ridden, trying-like-hell-to-conceive sex? As the months pass and a successful conception remains elusive, sex becomes less the mind-blowing, stress-busting good time it should be and just one more unappealing to-do item to check off the list. Oof. Luckily, we’ve found handy workarounds and tricks of the trade, so forget the basal temperature chart for a second and read on for four ways to keep things hot when you’re TTC.
1. Stop overthinking things
Forget eyes on the prize — good sex is all about being in the moment. Practice a little mindfulness, and shelve all thoughts of parenting, babies, work, and life in general, just temporarily, so you can focus on your partner and, ahem, your pleasure. It’s not always easy to turn off your brain, but here’s a tip — concentrate on your senses. Tune into the sensations, scents, tastes, and sounds of the experience, and see if things don’t start heating up.
2. Have more sex — really
Yes, really! You may be all about it come ovulation time, but sex should be about more than making a baby. This one-on-one time is when you forget everything else going on in your busy life and lose yourself in your partner. And fact — desire begets desire. Getting busy more often actually makes sex feel like less of a chore, not more.
3. Get out of the bedroom
The car, the laundry room, the shower — it all works. Even if it’s a scheduled act, shaking something up can give it the feeling of a more spontaneous encounter. And while you’ve probably read nowhere that some positions are better than others for conception, the truth is any sex position can do the trick. Remember when sex used to be energetic and fun and varied? Time to bring that back, baby!
4. Be a little… experimental
Sex performed in the pursuit of a baby can get a little transactional, especially when you’ve been trying to conceive for what feels like forever. But when you take the perfunctory “wham bam thank you ma’am” element out, chances are good you’ll both enjoy yourselves way more. If every part of TTC sex is choreographed down to the minute, change it up! Explore new positions, speak up about what’s feeling good, and remember that this is an incredible act of connection.
Trust the process
So much of the baby-making thing is out of our control, and that’s just a fact of life. So cover your bases where you can, without losing your mind about it. Make upping your fertility something you do as a couple — plan healthy meals together, work out together, take your Beli prenatals together — and then, enjoy allll the sexy time you get to spend together in the hopes of making that baby.
The bottom line
When you want a baby more than anything, it’s really easy for sex to become nothing more than a means to an end. But know this — that kind of pressure is a mood killer, every time. A healthy sex life is an important part of a strong relationship, and it’s worth nurturing. Love is an action, as they say, so make a point of showing your partner that you’re still sprung — it’ll go a long way.